


Laura's Melt Down (AKA Laura's Mock Death, AKA Laura Makes Dumplings)

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age of Ultron Missing After Credits Scene, Bot Feels, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fix-It, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Missing Scene, Pietro Maximoff Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 21:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6628075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony wasn't entirely wrong when he called Clint's family 'agents'. He wasn't entirely right, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laura's Melt Down (AKA Laura's Mock Death, AKA Laura Makes Dumplings)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

 

When Pietro sat up on the helicarrier and said, "Ow. I heal super fast, too. But I could really use a holiday in the country," before standing up and shaking like a dog, shedding bullets like drops of rain, it was only natural for Clint to offer the use of his farm, and it was only natural for Tony to offer the use of a quinjet, and in general it was only natural for everyone else to want to come along to report to Laura how Pietro's noble sacrifice had saved her husband Clint, and also maybe she would make her famous chicken and dumplings again.

"Oh, crap," Hawkeye said as they neared the farmhouse. "Ultron tracked us down."

A moment later everyone else could see the smoldering ruins of the farm. Thor placed his hand on Clint's shoulder. "I mourn with you, friend."

"I'm so sorry," Steve added.

Tony glared at Clint. "Why the HELL did you bring us to your family? You kept them hidden for years, and you just hung a target on them!"

"Hey, don't blame me," Clint said. "I'm the one grieving here! I almost had the place set up just the way I liked it!"

"What." Natasha stared at Clint, and then she punched him, hard, knocking him to the deck. "I don't believe you."

Clint stared up at Natasha, hand over his face, blood leaking out between his fingers, "You broke by doze!"

"Serves you right," Wanda said with a sniff, reaching out to hold Pietro. "Your own family."

"Bud I nebba lubbed Laura!" Clint yelped and squirmed to avoid a kick Tony aimed at him. 

"We will be landing now," Vision said calmly, although the ridges in his face where eyebrows should be were looking puzzled. "Please return to your seats."

Steve grabbed Tony and prevented him from getting the boot in once more for luck. Vision landed the Quinjet, and they all got out, Clint sniffling and snuffling along in the rear.

"Laura!" Natasha exclaimed when a gust of wind moved the smoke to reveal a sooty, heavily middle-weighted, figure awkwardly making its way towards them, an unmoving child's form tucked under each arm. 

Laura looked blank, all expression wiped from her face. She staggered, dragging one leg, but did not otherwise show signs of pain. 

"Hey, Laura," Clint burbled. "Glad doo thee you made id." He edged away from the other Avengers warily. "How are da kidth?"

Laura ignored him, staggering past and straight up to Tony. "Sir. It is good to see you again." She gave Vision a long, disdainful look and then sniffed. "I request assistance. I am experiencing minor cranberries."

"JARVIS?" Tony shrieked like a little girl and hugged Laura. "You're an LMD! Thank God! Hey, what's with the kids?"

"DUM-E and U insisted on accompanying me, but they do not understand bipedal locomotion."

The little boy under Laura/Jarvis's right arm waved one arm and said, "BEEP" while giving Tony a sunny grin. The little girl under the other arm also waved. She was holding a fire extinguisher.

"Sir," Jarvis/Laura said, "I now contain a complete library of cookbooks."

"That's great, can you make chicken and dumplings?" Tony asked idly, while helping Laura/Jarvis up the quinjet ramp.

"Indeed, I can sir. Do you recall the promise you made me on December 17, 2009?"

"Yeah, no," Tony replied. "Not as such."

"You said, 'I'd marry you, if only you could cook'. "

Tony stopped and looked at Jarvis/Laura. "Wait, aren't you married to Clint?"

"We were living without benefit of clergy, sir," Jarvis/Laura replied.

Tony hugged Jarvis/Laura and the kid bots. "Sure, I'll marry you."

Steve cleared his throat. "Is that legal?"

"I'm richer than God."

Thor cleared his throat. 

"Ok, I'm richer than most Gods. It'll be legal-ish. C'mon, honey bunch, let's go home. DUM-E can be flower girl, and U will be the ring-bearer. Dunno whether Rhodey or Thor or Steve should be best man. How about a cage match to decide?"

"Who will be the maid of honor?" Natasha asked, getting into the spirit of things. 

"Another cage match, you and Pepper and Maria Hill."

Everyone went back into the quinjet, except Clint, who ran into the ruins to salvage his favorite circus elephant etching, only slightly charred around the edges.

**Author's Note:**

> I really, really didn't think it reasonable that Clint would hide his family, isolate them on a farm, for years, and then suddenly bring the Avengers there to hide, risking his family's exposure. Unless, of course, he was sure they couldn't be hurt...
> 
> L.M.D.s are Life Model Decoys made by Tony Stark and provided to S.H.I.E.L.D. in the comics. Also referenced in the first Avengers movie.


End file.
